Unanswered

Until now, I can’t think of any reason why I’m writing this. Maybe, this is the only way that I know to tell you how I feel. I still don’t know why, after all these years, after all that I’ve been through, I still think of you. When I’m awake, I still notice myself, looking at the horizon without even knowing what I’m looking for. When I am in my sleep, you still manage to visit me and mingle with my dreams. After all of these years, I still wonder why, why do we have to end? What happened to us?

Other people always see us as a perfect couple, a match made in heaven. Everyhting was all in it’s perfect place. Our path is so straight that nothing can bend it. But still, there are things that I can’t understand. Perhaps, what it is said in a line of a song is true; "life is a constant change".

Now, the only thing that remain are memories. Memories that after all these years, still haunts me. I can still remember the first love letter that you’ve sent me. You told me, that you will be the happiest man in the whole world if I will love you. I felt that you were so sincere. The message really came from your heart. I was very hesitant at first. But when I heard your singing voice, my hesitations melt away. Believe it or not, I fought for you. I fought for us. It came to a point that it doesn’t matter what my family will say, what other people will say. I love you and you love me and that’s all that matters. I’ve accepted and defended you…. I don’t know what happened but in the middle of our relationship, everything went sour. You cannot accept my weaknesses. There are certain things that I can’t change right away. I’m sorry if I am like this. Somehow, these weaknesses put a wall between us. When other people are around, they see a perfect relationship, but deep inside, somethings wrong. Until an opportunity for you to go abroad came. The distance even build a bigger wall between us and when you came back, the world just crumbled above me. There were so many "what if’s" in my mind. So many questions til now. The biggest question is, "did you really loved me?"

I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe, it’s time to let you go. I want to be free, but somehow, I’m still a prisoner of this foolish heart of mine. Maybe I’m still hoping that one day, one day, we’ll find each other again, still in love. Or maybe, this is a false hope. So many questions…. No answer…